Something Must Be Done
by juliet agn
Summary: Itachi just can't win. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

Itachi Uchiha decided that his life sucked.

Really. For one thing, he had _lines_ underneath his eyes when he was thirteen, his father was child-rearing retarded, his younger brother was a pansy, his wonderful mother only got about two lines in the manga, and he _died_. And then there was the story of his life. He was ordered to kill his family (which, by the way, had been traumatizing somewhat), proceeded to actually _kill his own family_, scare the shit out of his little brother, and was forced to watch that flashback scene over and over again throughout the anime. And he died! Where was the justice in that?

And so Itachi made a decision. He was going to use his Time Reversal Rod of Time Reversal to go back and make his life better and less suckish. What? Why are you looking at him like that? Don't YOU have a Time Reversal Rod of Time Reversal?

It then occurred to Itachi that he had no idea how to use his rod. How had he lived his whole life not knowing how to pee correctly? Well, there was another thing he could fix.

So Itachi said the magic words and waved his Time Reversal Rod of Time Reversal around and launched himself back in time.

He ended up at the moment of his death. He saw Sasuke's bewildered face as he rasped out, "Dammit! Wrong time period!" and died. From the Underworld he witnessed the consequences of his new choice of last words to Sasuke. His little brother, shocked, accidentally fell on his sword and killed himself. "You bastard!" Sasuke screamed at him as he appeared in the Underworld.

"Whoops," Itachi said quickly and waved his Rod around again. This time he ended up as his thirteen year old self again. It was the day where he had killed his clan. Itachi made a firm decision not to kill his clan.

The Uchiha clan attacked Konoha's government and a civil war followed. The entire clan died, including Itachi, who happened to slip on a banana peel and land on a sword Sasuke had found.

"Curses," Itachi muttered as he reappeared in the Underworld with his fellow clan mates.

Itachi went back to the same day and decided this time to kill his father (hey, he'd already done it twice), in the hopes that there would be no coup. A clan member saw Itachi kill his dad and chased after him with the intent to kill. Itachi ran away and tripped as he turned a corner in his house. His ANBU sword slipped from his grasp and he landed on top of it as he fell. He died.

Itachi sulked in the Underworld in a very serious, Itachi-like way for several years, watching the lives of his mother and brother. Sasuke became a dark, angry child and ended up defecting from Konoha to Orochimaru so that he could get enough power to bring back Itachi just to kill him again. Itachi hurriedly utilized his Rod again.

This time, Itachi went back to when he was eight. He spent five years being a perfect child, drawing his parents' attention to himself and his little brother so that their parents would not have any time for scheming up plans for a coup. When he was thirteen, he playing tag with Sasuke when he accidentally tripped over nothing and fell on top of a random sword lying around. Really? Why the hell was a random sword lying around where he and Sasuke were playing? Really?

Itachi turned back time again just so he could jump off a cliff.

Back once more in the underworld, Itachi decided that he would only mess with fate once more, and if he failed again he was going to have to live his life how he had lived it first.

And so he told his father of the elders' plan to massacre the entire Uchiha clan. Itachi made it very clear that he would have to go through with the plan if Fugaku decided to stage the coup anyways. So Itachi's father backed down.

Itachi lived a very normal life for a shinobi after that. He died at the age of twenty-one after tripping and falling on a sword.

Itachi didn't think he'd done too badly of a job, he reflected in the Underworld. Konoha experienced peace and prosperity. His little brother was happy and lived a nice, long life, enjoying the friendship of two people named Sakura and Naruto who Itachi found insufferable (but Itachi wasn't complaining, if that made Sasuke happy). In terms of his goals, Itachi did okay. He'd made a happy life for his brother.

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